On Being an Only Child

It wasn't until about seven years ago that being an only child became a letdown. I was never the kind of kid who really wanted a brother or sister. I usually lived in an area that had lots of kids my age, and many were also children of divorce--a much bigger impact than only-childhood, at the time.

But at some point, as my friends started to pair off, the concept of having a permanent buddy started to sound pretty good. Having someone to call on my (50 mile!) drive home from Somers would have been alright. Another factor was the devaluation of the phone conversation. It seemed that having a long conversation became passe around 2003--interestingly right around when people started getting unlimited cell plans!

So one day, back in about 2004, I said to my wife that I finally understood why having a sibling could be a good thing. Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do about it, obviously, and with most of my closest friends getting married and starting families, I couldn't even come up with good proxies.

Of course, we ended up starting our own family not long after, so the hullabaloo of it all kept us pretty busy, and though there were definitely times that I could have used another ear or shoulder, I hardly noticed through the bleary-eyed exhaustion of twin parenthood.

Last year (and this year), as my father's (zt"l) illness progressed, the lack of a sibling partner in the process of planning for and ultimately handling, his passing, was definitely a disappointment. Shouldering the emotional and physical burden on my own made a tough situation even tougher.

In some ways, I still cherish my singleton-ness. But also, I think I've gotten better--and perhaps my friends are more available--at finding proxies. Because we both come from small families, and we're both far from those small families, we often tell our friends that they are "like family." While sometimes that sounds trite, I can say without hesitation that to the best of my knowledge, some of our friends are indeed our family. Another factor at play is the fact that I think I'm more willing to reach out to these friends than before.

Here's a cute twist on the whole issue. Our girls can absolutely understand who's their friend and who's from a friend whom we consider like family. They even coined a term for describing them, "cousin-friend." So to those of you whose kids are cousin-friends, thanks for being there.